In an effort to salvage what little is left of his reputation, Mark Zuckerberg has promised to open a string of car washes that will use the recycled water that cools his data centers, which will then be returned to cool the servers creating a closed system that, outside of the initial water usage will use the same water over and over. This will create, according to Zuckerberg, the world’s first self-contained data center/car wash. It will be a monumental achievement that will set the tone for future technologies to be both good and useful, a rare thing in today’s world.
Responding to critic’s claims that there is no recycled water from a data center, Zuckerberg said, “you don’t know that, and I’m smarter than you, and I say there is recycled water, and who is the public going to believe? Me, with billions of dollars to invest in messaging or you and your cheesy tabloid, who they don’t trust anyway? My guess is that, as always, they’ll believe the person with the most money.”
In the unveiling of this new venture, there were lovely pictures of beautiful data centers next to futuristic car washes, and surrounded by green fields with happy families picnicking and playing in the pristine environment.
Bill McKibben was on hand as a keynote speaker, who along with Michael Mann and Hannah Ritchie sang the praises of this new innovation, giving a special plaque to Zuckerberg to thank him for his continued dedication to insuring that the future was safe, secure, and carbon-neutral.
I’m inching toward having the money to get a newish car since my old one died. I’m including this link so you can send me a small contribution if you can. You will earn my undying gratitude. You can also become a paying subscriber, which will be greatly appreciated.
There's probably a lot of truth to this. Nice satire.
You had me until that bit about Bill McKibben. HA!