Should we stay or should we go?
After hearing about how these people had made it through, and were apparently thriving, we had a choice to make. I was against it, mostly because I had watched The Walking Dead and every time they got somewhere where people seemed to be doing well, there was always some fucked up shit going on in the background.
Nobody else agreed with that. They all seemed perfectly happy to see if we could make a go of it in The Moment of Joy community.
Every one except Tiki, that is.
He came over and whispered that he really wanted to find the place on the card, he didn’t think that he had it for no reason and knew that maybe the kind people, that were just shadows in his mind, might be there.
I agreed, but for my own reason. I am on a quest. Just like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland wanted twinkies, I wanted a mai tai. You may be thinking that a mai tai would be the least motivating thing when you’re running for your life in the apocalypse and having a larger group of comrades, who seemed friendly enough, would be in the better interest of our group.
I had to conclude that I was a hypocrite. I wasn’t interested in the group or even in Tiki. I had not, when all is said and done, become as altruistic as I thought. The driving force in my life was one last mai tai at the world’s last tiki bar.
The others were staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You seem to have a motive for moving on that is not shared by the group.” Said Dolly. “Would you care to let us in on it? Is there something beyond just wanting to get to the coast that you haven’t revealed?”
“No. I mean, yes, but you wouldn’t understand.”
“You could run it by us. You never know, we might be more understanding than you think.”
“Tell us.” Said Stuffy.
I looked at Tiki, and he looked back, and slowly shook his head.
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” Said Por.
“Because I’m embarrassed.”
“It couldn’t be that bad.” She said.
“Come on.” Said Dolly.
“I can’t.”
Dolly traversed the space between us faster than I had ever seen anyone move, grabbed me by the lapels, lifted me to my feet, and slammed me against a tree.
“You tell us, or I may be forced to take your vote out of the equation.”
I could see the deadly intent in his eyes. I looked at the others, Tiki was covering his face, the rest of them didn’t appear to be overly concerned with my well-being.
“Let me down.” I gasped.
Dolly loosened his grip but didn’t let me down.
“I want a mai tai!”
Dolly’s grip loosened.
“You want a what?”
“A mai tai.”
“What the actual fuck.”
He dropped me and I crumpled to the ground.
“Just so we’re clear, you want all of us to follow you across the rest of this state, grubbing for food, risking our lives, and experiencing who knows what other horrors, so you can have a mai tai.”
“Yes.” I whimpered.
The people of MOJ had been watching this whole thing play out. Santa walked over, he was barely able to control his laughter, the rest of his group were snickering and said, “Did I hear right?”
“You did.” Said Dolly.
Santa looked at me and shook his head.
“That’s way down on the list of possible reasons for dragging a group of people along on your journey. If you were on your own I would tell you Godspeed son, you go get your mai tai, but you’re part of a group. Have you ever been part of a group before?”
“No.”
“It’s really something you should have under your belt, you know, in case of an apocalypse. I would say that you’re pretty lucky to have these folks with you because you may not have made it on your own.”
“I did make it on my own, for a long time. I did okay, and it’s not just for me.”
Tiki looked horrified that I would tell his secret. I took a deep breath, and said, “I’m doing it for the kid…”
“The kid is named Tiki.” Said Tiki.
“Yeah, sorry.”
“How are you doing it for the kid?” Santa asked.
“He thinks that maybe his parents might be alive and that they’re living somewhere around where the tiki bar on his postcard is located.”
“And you didn’t think to lead with that?” Said Dolly. “Is this true Tiki?”
He nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, that kind of changes things. I mean, I don’t think any of us have anything like that in our plans. Alright, Priest, we’ll go with you now that there is a better reason. Jesus, a fuckin’ mai tai. What the hell?”
That was weird. Even after all the other weirdness of The Priest.